Substitution Chart

J. Robert Lennon

1 egg = 2 T vegetable oil
1 T prepared mustard = 1 t dry mustard
1 prune = 8 raisins
1 pizza = 12 dollars
1 C Coke = 1 C Pepsi
sunrise = sunset
1 wasp = 14 ants
1 hug = 5 handshakes
1 punch in jaw = 8 middle fingers
1 stomach flu = 10 staff meetings
completing free coffee card = spying nude neighbor through the window
licked by dog = gift of ugly necktie
cloud = crow
bowling trophy = promotional t-shirt
finding a $20 bill on the sidewalk = finding 20 $1 bills on the sidewalk
thunderstorm = trick-or-treating
car door slammed on fingers = testifying against brother-in-law
legalized gambling = africanized killer bees
car alarm = painful urination
misspelling = untied shoe
2 lawyer jokes = 1 C bread crumbs
empty parking lot = dream-within-a-dream
shaving = sauteeing
pinking shears = parsley
tapanade = "Rashamon"
bone spur = church pew
eleventy-twelve = 132